2 Things You Need To Learn If You Want To Be Happy
Let’s be honest: you’ve seen that there’s a list of things in the title of this article, your brain is now probably going haywire and you’re going to skip this boring introduction and get straight to the point. I don’t blame ya. But the following paragraph is for you, the 0.01%, the rebels, the misfits, the crazy ones who will actually go through the entire article and maybe even leave a comment.
(Does Sir David Attenborough’s voice)
For centuries mankind has been on a never-ending quest for happiness. From Buddha’s “Happiness is the path” to Nietzsche’s “Happiness is the feeling that power increases”, it’s clear that a lot of thought has been given and a lot of material has been written about what seems to be man’s ultimate, supreme goal. Sadly enough, the harsh reality is that even though we’re healthier, richer, and live longer compared to any other time in history, people are feeling worse and worse each year.
Although the reasons behind general unhappiness are many and hard to clearly identify, there are some things that you and I can learn to recognize, and manage, to put ourselves in a position where we can feel content and satisfied.
Are you ready? Let’s go 🚀
- The following is NOT medical advice. I am not a doctor. (I am also not a cat) *
1 — Learn The Difference Between Pleasure And Contentment
Pleasure and contentment are strictly related to two very important neurotransmitters: dopamine and serotonin. Dopamine is the neurotransmitter behind the brain’s pleasure and reward system: it’s what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning, it’s the rush you feel after completing a task, but it also plays a big role in getting people addicted to alcohol, sugar, cocaine, sex, and their cell phones. On the other hand, serotonin is a neurotransmitter that acts as a mood stabilizer and is associated with contentment.
Both when you feel content and when you feel pleasure, your brain is saying: “this feels good”, which is why people tend to confuse these terms and mistake one for the other. While the general state of well-being is a key similarity, there are some crucial differences. When you feel pleasure your brain is screaming “I need more”, whereas when you feel contentment it’s telling you “I don’t need anything else”. This is where the problem lies. Because pleasure is followed by a desire for MORE, the substances and experiences that trigger it, lead to addiction, which naturally erodes our ability to be happy. Chemically speaking, it appears that low levels of serotonin can lead to an overproduction of dopamine, which in turn may lead to impulsive behavior. This is not to say that pleasure should have no place — it’s actually quite the opposite — but we live in a society designed to make us chase pleasure at the expense of contentment. In his great book “The Hacking of the American Mind”, Dr. Lustig highlights the main differences which are summarized in the following infographic.
Key Takeaway: Pleasure and contentment feel similar but are radically different. Excessively seeking short-term pleasure can lead to addiction and prevent you from achieving long-term satisfaction.
Actionable Steps: Think about how much time and energy you spend chasing after pleasure (booze, sex, endlessly scrolling Instagram, eating chocolate…) vs how much you spend in activities that allow you to feel contentment (dinner with friends, volunteering, meditating, quality family time…). If you realize that the scale is heavily tipped in favor of pleasure, why not try to review your habits and take the initiative to allocate more time to pursuing long-term contentment.
2 — Learn How To Fill Your Spiritual Need
It’s very likely that if you’re asked to think of an “intelligent person”, the first person that comes to mind might be a famous mathematician, physicist, or anyone who excels in some scientific field. The point is that generally speaking, society has a pretty narrow definition of intelligence. In his book “Frames of the Mind: The Theory of Multiple Intelligences”, psychologist Howard Gardner explains that we have multiple kinds of intelligence, such as:
- Naturalistic intelligence: think of it as the inner “green thumb” certain people seem to have. Sensitivity to subtle changes in nature.
- Musical intelligence: sense of rhythm and the ability to recognize tone, pitch along with a general sensibility to sound
- Logical-mathematical intelligence: this is the one we tend to associate with the general concept of intelligence we talked about before. Ability to naturally recognize patterns and inclination to break down processes and problems in a logical manner.
- Interpersonal intelligence: ability to easily get on well with others and reading people.
- Linguistic intelligence: ability to understand and use spoken and written language and to express thoughts effectively.
- Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence: sense of timing and great mind-body coordination.
- Intra-personal intelligence: ability to understand one’s feelings, emotions, and thoughts.
- Spatial intelligence: ability to solve problems of navigation, visualization of objects from different angles and space, faces or scenes recognition, or to notice fine details.
- Existential intelligence: capacity to ponder over the significance of life, the meaning of death, the ultimate fate of the physical and the psychological worlds.
Everyone has, in different measures, ALL of the above-mentioned kinds of intelligence.
What does this really-longer-than-needed introduction have to do with “spiritual need” or happiness?
I’m glad you asked! The answer is that many of us are so caught up in filling our material needs (providing food, shelter, clothing, latest iPhone & shiny car) that we forget that humans have a spiritual need as well, which is reflected in our existential intelligence. We are naturally inclined to inquire about deep questions such as: Why are we here? What is the purpose of life?
Failing to recognize such a need, or simply dismissing it as frivolous can lead to feelings of emptiness and overall unhappiness. You may be working really hard to put a roof on your head, eat, have fun, and generally live a comfortable life, but what’s the point of all that work if you’re not sure why you’re alive in the first place?
On the other hand, taking time to acknowledge and identify our spiritual layer and working towards making some sense of these life-defining questions can help you stop surviving and start living.
Key Takeaway: Living in a world focused on what you can see and touch, it’s easy to forget that humans have an invisible, spiritual need that is just as important as our material one.
Actionable Steps: Try taking some time to look around. Take a moment to realize how absolutely incredible it is that you’re alive on this beautiful planet. Next, ask yourself: why? Try listening to different points of view with an open mind and see what makes the most sense to you.
Wrapping Things Up
If you have reached this point, high five! Although this was by no means a complete and comprehensive list, I hope you learned at least one new thing, or that reading this article will give you the motivation to try and experiment with new habits in your life. I have added for each fact quoted, links to their sources, and more importantly, put a lot of ❤️in writing this. Hope to see you for part II 🚀
If you liked this article please feel free to talk to your grandma about it, do a backflip, or leave a comment in the section below :)
